Thursday, December 29, 2005

2005 Resolutions Verdict: Pathetic

I didn't do that well. I never do that well yet somehow, I never get used to the shame of abject failure.

1. Pay off debts ($4,324).
Debts now stand at $6,240. I will never be rich. Or comfortable. Or the fourth member of Keane.

2. Sponsor child for one year.
Did slightly better there, paying for an Afghani kid throughout January, February...and I think a good portion of March. That's when I stopped sending money, despite the teary-eyed letters from young Ali...except for the last one which was a surprisingly lucid account of how he now steals pencils from his classmate, whose sponsor didn't cut off his funding.

3. Develop a meaningful relationship.
Another miss, I'm afraid and this one wasn't pretty. Had some flings, had a close call which didn't work out and countless drinks in the face from women in bars. Good news is if you keep your mouth open, you pay less for your own drinks. Considering how many got thrown my way, my debt should be a lot less..

4. Finish writing book about US invasion of Philippines.
The US invaded the Philippines in the late nineteenth century, in a manner that is eerily similar to the current INTERVENTION in Iraq (my citizenship exam is coming up and until then, I'm not taking any chances). Anyways, Dad promised me cash if I wrote the book for him. Obviously, with all my whoring and racking up bills and avoiding letters from starving Afghani toddlers, there was no time.

5. US Citizenship.
On track, so far but give me time and I'll fuck this one up too. Plus, the fact that I picked a revolution that pretty much handles itself is a new low in setting the bar low.

6. Driver's License.
Some success there. I have a learner's permit which is thankfully not apparent to bouncers outside of seedy clubs when they check my ID. They think it's a driver's license. Also, most girls I know don't know that it's a learner's permit, not a driver's license. Call me crazy but I have an inkling a learner's permit is not going to turn anyone on. Of course, the fact that I think a driver's license is going to turn anyone on tells its own story..

7. Move to the City.
Well, this year I learnt that New York City includes all the five boroughs (possible exception of Staten Island) in a sense, this is a resolution that I have already fulfilled. You'll understand if I don't bust out with the confetti and champagne.

8. Get Business License.
I don't know what happened with this. I got my Tax ID number but never bothered to register the name of my company with the proper authority. With tax time coming up, I am looking at a potential banana skin of Enron-like proportion. Regardless, of my financial savvy, you can't say anything about my hyperbole.

9. French/ Salsa/ Spanish.
Yup, putting three things in one resolution is VERY smart. Maybe I was giving myself a choice...I honestly can't remember. The fact that I'm asking myself this question on the 29th of December isn't a good sign. I did take two merengue lessons and I was BAD. Next year, my resolution will be to not subject the world to my dancing. Hmmm..I think I hear fireworks and applause.

10. Write Echo-nominated ad.
I wrote a few of them, actually but the Echos didn't see it that way. With the quality of assignments I'm getting, I'm not sure any of my ads would qualify for fish-and-chip wrapping paper. Still, there's always the posthumous awarding of the Echo. Very rare but it could happen. Which would be an achievement in itself...


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