For those not familiar with Bill Maher's "Real Time" on HBO, it's a political discussion show infused with a really lacerating wit. Though it suffers from the same kind of problem that O'Reilly's show suffers from (a lot of important people hate him and won't appear on his show), it's still a very funny, quite informative hour of television. Maher has a segment entitled 'New Rules' which appears at the end of the program in which he amusingly recounts things that we assume are akin to rules and asks for them to change. Below, a sample and here's a link to some of the others.

Okay, New Rule: Pizza joints must stop hanging pictures of Z-level celebrities on their walls. It doesn't impress me that 12 years ago, "21 Jump Street's" Richard Grieco stopped in for a slice. Especially since he's working there now. Cruel. Poor Richard. Give him a job, somebody!

New Rule: If your people are so desperate mannequins make them horny, there's something wrong with your religion. This week, police in Iran confiscated 65 mannequins for being too sexy. Guys, I'm sorry, but it's the mannequins that are supposed to have the sticks up their asses. In the free West, we don't have impure thoughts about inert hunks of tit-shaped plastic. We have Britney Spears. That got them. That was too outrageous.

New Rule: I'm not impressed by what college your kid is going to. George Bush went to Yale. The End. Besides, these days, kids only learn about two things in college: drugs and bisexuality. And you don't need to send them to college for that. You can send them to my house.

And in honor of the president's trip to South America, New Rule: You can't wear a Che Guevara tee-shirt with your designer jeans unless you're trying to be ironic. One is a symbol for impoverished workers. The other was sewn by them. You want to support the poor people in Latin America? Buy more coke.

New Rule: Condoms are not sex toys. Trojan has released a new line of condoms that vibrate and heat up. Look, condoms keep people from getting AIDS and the clap. Haven't they done enough? You want to improve condoms? Invent a wrapper guys can open before they lose their hard-on.

New Rule: I don't need a reminder at the bottom of the TV screen to tell me "You're watching 'Lost.'" Somehow, we got through the first 50 years of television knowing what show we were watching by looking at it! If Lucy is on, it's "Lucy." If it's some guys playing football, it's probably football. Here's how I know I'm watching "Lost." I'm bored.

New Rule: Down in front. At the World Series, someone put George and Barbara making out on the Jumbotron. Please don't encourage them. Science is doing amazing things with reproductive health, and we need to make sure they're done breeding. And besides, once they start, then everybody starts. [photo of White Sox coach Ozzie Guillen kissing White Sox player] That's a disturbing picture.

New Rule: Jennifer Aniston must start dating Osama bin Laden. Our government has spent four years and billions of dollars trying to find him. If we put the job in the hands of the real professionals, the paparazzi, "Osamifer" would be on the next cover of US Weekly.

New Rule: Since only 15% of Americans said they believe in evolution in a recent poll, America must change its name to the United States of Jesus Christ. And our motto, from E Pluribus Unum to "I'm With Stupid." The good news for the nation: if we get any stupider about science, we'll forget how to cook crystal meth.

New Rule: The dead must stop talking to hot chicks. It's hard enough being single. The last thing I need is to get cock-blocked by John Wilkes Booth! And why does a woman's sixth sense always have to be seeing dead people? Why can't it be knowing when to shut the hell up during the ballgame?

New Rule: Words printed on a coffee cup will not turn you gay. A Baylor University dining contractor has banned Starbucks cups that have a quote from a gay author. Listen, breeders, you can't get AIDS from a Styrofoam container. And besides, if you're holding a double half-caf, vanilla mocha latte, extra foam sprinkled with nutmeg, you're already gay!

And finally, New Rule: Saddam Hussein's trial must be moved to Los Angeles! We are "fiending" out here for our next big celebrity court case! Local news stations are so bored, they've resorted to reporting real news! If we don't get another circus trial soon, Pat O'Brien is going to start drinking again.

So, what do you say, Saddam? Who doesn't want to have their trial in L.A. anyway? It's always sunny. Our juries are stupid. And you can show up in court in your pajamas. You'll love L.A. Most people out here haven't worked in over two years either. And if you find yourself homesick, and long for a filthy spider-hole to crawl into, I'll introduce you to Courtney Love.

But - but seriously, the main reason to have your trial here is, unlike Iraq, we have good Jew lawyers. In Baghdad, they'll say you gassed the Kurds. But that's not the way it'll come out when Mark Geragos or Bob Shapiro is representing you. No, what happened is, you had your Weapons of Mass Destruction with you that night at an Italian restaurant. In the Valley. Where you were dining with the Kurds. Who you love.

Now, you forgot the weapons after dinner, went to retrieve them; and when you returned, the Kurds were already gassed. Saddam, in Hollywood, nobody commits crimes against humanity. That's what a personal assistant is for. Plus, we believe what celebrities say, no matter how stupid. When Iraq invaded Kuwait, you were outside your bunker chipping golf balls. End of story.

And the rape rooms? Please. If you call giving someone at Abu Ghraib a little Jesus Juice and then cuddling with them "rape"...it was milk and cookies; it was charming.

I say, if he's from Tikrit, you must acquit!

In conclusion, the ultimate reason to try Saddam Hussein in L.A. is this: out here, we don't convict celebrities. He'll get off, which is good, because it means the man will be free to get back to work.

People, really, we tried there in Iraq. We really did. But you have to admit, sometimes just needs a "daddy." Okay, an abusive father. Hannibal Lecter. The point is, yes, Iraq was a bad place under Saddam, but let's not throw the baby out with the Baathists. He knows the people. He knows the country. He's tanned, rested and ready. He's had time to think about losing his two precious asshole sons. Maybe he has, dare I say it, grown.

So, what's wrong with giving a sick, twisted, unhinged megalomaniac a second chance? Hell, HBO did it for me!