Monday, July 16, 2007

Weird Tales from this Weekend


As you know, New York is a crazy place where crazy things happen at a moment's notice. The range of weirdness itself is pretty wide so whether its a 55 year old man in a tutu, walking in Rego Park (my first week in NY) or a man dressed up as a patient for halloween (barefoot and bareass hanging out from the back), it will find a way to surprise you.

Now, if I were to document all the episodes of weirdness I encounter, I would exceed the bandwidth limit of this server AND be forced to give up my job, in order to keep up. So I'll satisfy myself with three items of varying weirdness, bizarreness and funny....ness, that I encountered this past weekend, as well as today, at work.

Item 1: iPod holder. A girl standing next to me, at the Apple store on 5th avenue this past Saturday, had a pair of perfectly-shaped fake breasts. This in itself is not interesting. What is interesting is that she chose her fake breasts as the perfect holder for her iPod nano. Bright red iPod nano lodged in between her breasts, with a cord running out to form the ear buds she had on. It was impossible not to stare, and I wasn't the only one. I have never wished I was an iPod before, but this was a weekend of firsts.

Item 2: I got stoned this weekend. Again, this qualifies as so-not-news to the point where it may surprise you more to be informed that I was horny this weekend. Both are true, both are always true, both will always be true. What is different about this time, is that I went to the supermarket to buy some milk, in my stoned state. My usual mini-mart was closed so I went to the big branch on Broadway. While there, I noticed that all the cashiers would speak into their walkie talkies to ask for a price-check or whatever and they would end their communique with the same three words: I love you.

At first I thought I misheard. But when I heard somebody else say it, I got out of my checkout line and began wondering around the supermarket listening in. And that's what they said! I must have heard it like six times...and while most of the workers were girls saying it to each other, I heard one guy saying it to another girl who worked there, without a hint of emotion. Like he's just said 'thanks' to her.

At this point, I started freaking out to the point where I dropped my milk in the paper towel section and ran out of the super market, all the way home. My heart was beating quite loudly for a good twenty minutes after I got there.

Item 3: A co-worker asked me for change for the vending machine today. I gave it to him. He took it, winked and said 'Mohammed...you truly are a prophet!' before walking away.

I swear it's all true!

3 Comments:

Blogger Daysleeper said...

either big branch owner person is some bleeding heart liberal that imposes bizarre policies or you get emo when you're stoned.

4:47 PM  
Blogger Basil Fawlty said...

Probably a little bit of both..

5:05 PM  
Blogger Amnesiac said...

lol

Rest assured that you will never, ever, hear any kind of public declaration of emotion in London, save when pissed men are talking about football at chucking out time, or I am talking about Dr Christian Troy at the bus stop.

6:45 PM  

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