Star Jones is an obnoxious bitch (but she isn't the only one)

What a vacuuous, parasitic, shallow, bottom-feeding bitch this woman is. And yet I don't blame her; I blame Barbara Walters. Why won't she fire her? Because she's black and will doubtless cry racism?

Why not fire her and hire someone else who's black, but has more class (which is easy)? How can this gargantuan pile of steaming dog do be allowed to inhabit a space, outside her own apartment. Does anyone know ANYONE who likes her?

Here is my list of the nine celebrities (Star is the tenth)I hate more than cancer (in no order):

2. Tyra Banks: Can anyone be more self-involved? In fact, she kind of looks like Star (albeit, a thinner one) and her love of herself is a thing to behold. She is so obnoxious that I cannot see her as attractive any longer. Her show is sheer agony, akin to spreading my testicles over a basketball ring and having Michael Jordan dunk a ball through them.

3. Celine Dion: You can sing but you must never, ever, EVER be allowed to speak. She is just embarrassing to behold, a dangerous creature because she is devoid of humor and yet believes herself to be funny. She tries to appear hip and street but it comes out sounding fake and French. Please don't procreate.

4. Terrell Owens/ Kobe Bryant/ Roy Keane/ Pete Rose: I used to think there could be a limit to selfishness and blaming others, but these guys prove me wrong. The very space they occupy sucks the energy and purpose out of their team. They're proof positive that pro sports clauses should come with a universal gag order because we can't have their poison spilling out into the mainstream. I hate them so much, I can't enjoy their sporting brilliance.

5. Geraldo Rivera: Slime-sucking, bottom-feeding maggot who exists on sheer ego. How this man continues to have a job reporting news on a national network, beggars belief. I don't think he made the rescuers carry that disabled woman back up the stairs so the cameras could show him carrying her down...I know he did it. I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat because I had a nightmare that we were related. When the bomb hits, cockroaches will be the only survivors and Geraldo will be there to interview them.

6. P. Diddy: Or Diddy or Weeny or Rimjob or whatever his name is today. He stinks. He's obnoxious, entitled and is famous for being famous. Everyone knows he killed Biggie and before Biggie died, you couldn't pick him out of a lineup of one. He looks like a weenie who got beaten up at school and now is determined to make the world pay. His episode with making his butler hold his umbrella up is beyond the pale. He's worse than bad at what he does and that's because he's mediocre at everything. Sean "Puffy" Combs...you are a toilet in which Mexican food would refuse exile.

7. Tom Cruise: Forget that he's crazy, forget that he's obnoxious, forget that he knows nothing about the world ("uuuhh...you're the glib one, Tom") and yet think others know nothing, my problem with Tom Cruise is that he's an android. He was designed at Halliburton to distract middle-America and dilute the issues with Scientology. He has a laugh that is as disingenuous as it is creepy. I, for one, remain convinced that he kidnapped Katie Holmes and replaced her with another android. The real Katie Holmes is actually living in my apartment, smoking my weed and eating my food.

8. Craig Kilbourne: I was hesitant to even allow this asshole a whole number on my list because, quite honestly, even no space is too much for his kind. I hate him because he is the essence of pretence. The burning need to distinguish yourself from your fellow men by "insisting" on single malt scotch, by "preferring" jazz from the 1950s and 60s and by being transparent enough as to be obvious that the reason you do all that is to score hot chicks like the rest of us. You do worse than piss me off, Kilbourne-you insult my intelligence and for that, you'll always be a tool (honorable mention: Carson Daley).

9. Hosni Mubarak: I don't believe in countries so my ability to accept dictators is much compromised. Again, the entitlement is what really grates me. The elections were a joke and when you control the media...who do you expect the piss-poor peasantry to vote for? Your sons are captains of industry and politics and you put them there. I shouldn't hate you...you saw an opportunity and took it, though your veil of altruism is an insult and a joke. I blame the enablers around, including myself, who allow you to get away with it.

What's the use? You can't stamp out evil (nowadays, you can't even define it). We exile you and someone else will find a way to milk the system. I'm glad you got elected. We're a joke of a country and everyone who knows me, knows I love a good joke.

10. Myself: I really hate myself. I hate that I followed my own path and still can't be happy. I hate that I feel guilty about everything, even things I didn't do. I hate that I'm not strong enough to do the simplest things and that I can't take a stand about anything. That I don't believe in anything and that I can't find meaning in life. That I make people happier and then, invariably take it away from them. That I can't be positive and that from my end, I lack the basic tools to make lasting, powerful bonds with people. Basically, I suck!