Turducken
Chris DiClerico gives this hilarious account of a new kind of Thanksgiving bird that is taking over tables throughout America.
"What the fuck is turducken, you ask. Well I'll tell you. Turducken is a little known poultry configuration used in fat white-people feasts in a way not that much unlike the traditional Hawaiian roast pig. Turducken is a turkey stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a duck. It is roasted in the oven through the night for 10 - 13 hours. People regularly pay hundreds of dollars for a butcher to prepare this freak of nature. My friend Jon and his Dad have mastered the preparation WITHOUT (typo correction) the use of a butcher however. Over the years they have also continued to step up the feast to what can only be referred to as pure decadence.
The turkey is deboned from the inside by carefully cutting around the ribcage from the open end. All non-edible pieces are removed. The legs and wings are left on. The same is done for the other birds except the legs and wings are removed. The duck is stuffed with stuffing, then packed around the outside with stuffing and jammed into the chicken, which is also packed around with stuffing. These birds are then stuffed into the turkey and the whole mess is carefully strung together to survive its cooking. The beast is cooked for 10 or so hours through the night, where my friend and his father set their alarm for every 3 hours through the night so they can baste the bird(s). This is how the turducken WAS prepared when they first prepared it.
Two years ago they decided turkey, chicken, and duck fit didn't pose enough of a challenge. They added cornish game hen to mix. Last year they added a huge pot of chili as a side dish, along with the traditional broccoli and cheese casserole, mashed potatoes, corn, and an insane portobello mushroom gravy made with the drippings of all the birds. Another friend decided to bring not one, but two, dry rubbed London broils which we grilled to perfection (4 minutes each side) shortly before the meal began.
This year the meal was stepped up to a place where no one could ever had imagined. Dubbed the Turduckduckenenishish, We were treated to a 27 pound turkey stuffed with 2 chickens stuffed with 2 ducks stuffed with 2 cornish game hens. You did read that correctly, and it IS possible. All the wings of all the birds are placed around the stuffed turkey. They look a little like supporting mini-wings because, God knows, this monster could never fly without them. The whole thing cooked for 13 hours. Mike, the guy who brings the London broils marinated one in hot coffee and then packed the outside with brown sugar. The other was prepared with his traditional dry rub consisting of a complex assortment of secret ingredients. These cooked to perfection on the grill outside."
One word: JESUS!!!!!
"What the fuck is turducken, you ask. Well I'll tell you. Turducken is a little known poultry configuration used in fat white-people feasts in a way not that much unlike the traditional Hawaiian roast pig. Turducken is a turkey stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a duck. It is roasted in the oven through the night for 10 - 13 hours. People regularly pay hundreds of dollars for a butcher to prepare this freak of nature. My friend Jon and his Dad have mastered the preparation WITHOUT (typo correction) the use of a butcher however. Over the years they have also continued to step up the feast to what can only be referred to as pure decadence.
The turkey is deboned from the inside by carefully cutting around the ribcage from the open end. All non-edible pieces are removed. The legs and wings are left on. The same is done for the other birds except the legs and wings are removed. The duck is stuffed with stuffing, then packed around the outside with stuffing and jammed into the chicken, which is also packed around with stuffing. These birds are then stuffed into the turkey and the whole mess is carefully strung together to survive its cooking. The beast is cooked for 10 or so hours through the night, where my friend and his father set their alarm for every 3 hours through the night so they can baste the bird(s). This is how the turducken WAS prepared when they first prepared it.
Two years ago they decided turkey, chicken, and duck fit didn't pose enough of a challenge. They added cornish game hen to mix. Last year they added a huge pot of chili as a side dish, along with the traditional broccoli and cheese casserole, mashed potatoes, corn, and an insane portobello mushroom gravy made with the drippings of all the birds. Another friend decided to bring not one, but two, dry rubbed London broils which we grilled to perfection (4 minutes each side) shortly before the meal began.
This year the meal was stepped up to a place where no one could ever had imagined. Dubbed the Turduckduckenenishish, We were treated to a 27 pound turkey stuffed with 2 chickens stuffed with 2 ducks stuffed with 2 cornish game hens. You did read that correctly, and it IS possible. All the wings of all the birds are placed around the stuffed turkey. They look a little like supporting mini-wings because, God knows, this monster could never fly without them. The whole thing cooked for 13 hours. Mike, the guy who brings the London broils marinated one in hot coffee and then packed the outside with brown sugar. The other was prepared with his traditional dry rub consisting of a complex assortment of secret ingredients. These cooked to perfection on the grill outside."
One word: JESUS!!!!!
posted by Basil Epicurus at 3:27 AM
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