Probably not the best time to try and work out my self-worth but, as Edmund Hillary famously proclaimed when they asked him why he decided to tackle a certain mountain: "It was there".

I'm not panicky anymore, just feeling totally dejected and useless and, frankly, kind of lame. I've used this (hard to explain) metaphor before but it's simply the most apt one I can think of: I feel like a car with an engine that won't start. The starter keeps kicking up but simply won't ignite. The ignition is there and the power's in the engine but somehow, I just can't seem to make them link up.

I'm having problems looking at tomorrow and thinking there's a good enough reason to go to sleep, wake up and face it. I mean, it seems to all be either bullshit or emptiness. I know that, statistically speaking, humanity has to have a range of personas from the achievers to the slackers or from the strong to the weak. I also know that the way society is set up, the weak can find areas to be strong and so on and so on and so on.

God, I'm sick of hearing the sound of my own voice talking about this!

I don't see a point. It's like trying to get a grip on a glass surface. I don't feel shit, I don't want to feel shit, I don't want to hear shit, I don't want to talk about shit and I'm really, really, really tired of fighting against all this fuckin' shit.