Semblance of a still life

I'm at work on a Sunday, 4th of July weekend.

My idiot contact lens company gave me two boxes of contacts. Both are for my left eye only.

Yesterday, a large piece of my upper left tooth fell out, leaving a hole in my molar. There's no pain (yet) but I can feel the gooey parts in the middle, with my tongue. I feel like I'm only ever a second away from the most excruciating kind of dental pain.

One's portfolio occupies the same space as one's penis: you can't show it to another member of your group without a competitive element creeping in. Not to mention all the inherent gayness involved.

I'd like to be with a mute woman. Is that selfish?