Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Feminist Junk


I've always hated the way female sexuality is applauded and celebrated while male sexuality is derided and discouraged. But then again, I don't mind it that much. Sexuality is a private issue and your opinion, or the opinion of society at large, won't make me lose much sleep. What I do mind is the underlying hostility that some women exhibit to men, especially in the workplace, and then when the man responds, it's his crime. The sexuality point may be a tenuous link but it just seems that men can't say anything about women without them being perceived as oppressors. It's social cuckolding at it's finest.

Yes, I had just such an experience at work today. Thank God, tomorrow is my last day at that godawful place. My boss is a woman: big, fat, ugly, with plenty of lip but precious little wit, grace or talent. We had a run in, a few weeks ago, which finally convinced me to leave this place. Today, she came in and pushed some buttons, tried to throw her (considerable) weight around and, then, when that didn't work, she asked me if I was pleased about lying to HR about her role in my departure.

For the record, all I said with HR was that her attitude had played a part in my decision to leave and I did NOT elaborate. Secondly, the exit interview was at 11:30 in the morning; she was in my office, trying to piss me off by noon. I know the walls have ears but I didn't realise they travelled that quickly (pardon the mixed metaphors).

Anyways, I told her I only told them she had a bad attitude and that while I could take it from people I respected, I wasn't going to take it from her.

She went purple.

Then she told me, she knew guys like me all her life. That we were all the same, that we didn't care about the work or the rules, that we thought the world was our playground (!), that we didn't respect anyone because we didn't respect ourselves (that bit's true enough), that sooner or later I'd realise how conceited I was and-the coup de grace-that she was glad she'd gotten rid of me, because she couldn't have an asshole like me working for her, because I clearly had an issue working for a woman.

I let her finish and then I said: "I really had no idea you were a woman, so I don't know how you can accuse me of that. But now that you've let me in on this state secret, I can tell you that eventually, I could learn not to be all the things you say I am. You, on the other hand, will always be a cunt who's uglier on the inside than the outside. Which takes some doing, by the way".

She took one look at me, burst into tears and ran to her office. I laughed and went back to work. Nobody has called me in to ask me to explain what I said, even though I saw her crying in our bosses office. I also saw a bunch of people in her cube, and I later got the cold stare from them. Fuck 'em. I'm purging them from my goodbye email anyway. Bunch of fucking sheep, anyway.

A fight is a fight. She went on a verbal attack and I responded, only I went for the jugular. This is what a lot of people don't understand about fighting: inherently, it is unfair, that's a, and b, win or lose, you move on with no crying or gloating.

I was not picking on her; The fact that she was a woman was a marginal point; Me behaving like this is not suddenly a pattern of behavior commonly found in men toward women; just because she is a woman does not mean she gets a pass on starting fights.

The feminists will argue that for thousands of years, the opposite had been taking place and this should help me better understand the struggle of women for equality and expression.

I say fooey to all that. First of all, I'm 35 years old, not thousands of years old and neither are any of you: you didn't suffer from any of that injustice any more than I was responsible for it. I refuse to pay for somebody else's injustice or even to apologize for it. Not only that, I resent my being associated with misogynists and gender bigots of days gone by, just because we both happen to be men. I'm taking a long, hard look around and, at least in my world, women are every bit as well equipped, employed, empowered, remunerated and respected as any man. If there are isolated incidences where they aren't, they're just that. Not every injustice perpetrated against women is a gender discrimination just like not every setback a man of colour experiences is due to racism.

What I especially resent, are women who think their entitlement to express themselves and rail against a society which they perceive to be discriminatory, extends to attacking any man they meet. They have names for people like that and it's assholes, certainly a gender neutral word if there ever was one.

A woman's word can be very damaging these days, and I accept the consequences of that. What I will not accept is being cuckolded into censoring myself, simply because if a woman calls me a name and I respond, people will wonder if I'm harboring misogynistic tendencies. Political Correctness be damned, an asshole is an asshole and if you give me any shit and I call you an asshole, don't run off and cry-like a woman-and then use this to reinforce your view of men as oppressors.

10 Comments:

Anonymous lynn said...

The C word is over the top and I don't think as effective as "Crazy Bitch". I think that would have been sufficient and she would have probably still cried. Also, the rest of her co-workers probably wouldn't have argued with your use of that term.

3:55 PM  
Blogger Basil Fawlty said...

I know the word 'cunt' is a really big deal here in the US, but I used it anyway because it was proportionate with my feelings about her. 'Crazy Bitch' isn't as powerful and jarring and doesn't really transmit my emotion...that 'I hate you so much that this is the word that really shows you how much'. The fact that I happened to deliver it calmly and with plenty of dispassion, makes it more effective.

I don't care what the other co-workers would argue for and against just as I don't care what anyone reading this post, would make of me for saying it. It's not a word that I use lightly (I don't remember ever saying it to anyone, actually) but I always try and say exactly what I mean.

Which begs the question, Lynn: how do you know 'crazy bitch' would have been sufficient? You don't know her, you don't know me and you didn't experience the history leading up to the situation.

Is that your cultural bias over a loaded word, rearing it's head again?

:)

4:07 PM  
Anonymous lynn said...

Basil,
You see I happen to BE a crazy bitch myself so I do recognize one when described to me! And yes, if said just the right way, calmly as you say you used the C word. It is effective. The C word demeans YOU rather than the person you use it on. But hey, I'm just a girl that's a crazy bitch. What would I know?

6:39 PM  
Blogger Basil Fawlty said...

Haha...you know plenty, Lynn. I hear you but my mouth moves faster than my brain.

As for demeaning myself, that train has long since left the station...;)

8:39 PM  
Blogger Cairogal said...

So...you gonna use her for a reference, or what?

9:42 PM  
Blogger Basil Fawlty said...

No, but I did tell my dad he should never have married her.

9:59 PM  
Anonymous lynn said...

Dude! You psycho crazy!

7:36 AM  
Blogger Faisal said...

I like the way you state your understanding of the matter. Couldn't agree with you more.

4:39 AM  
Blogger Forsoothsayer said...

um, actually, it would have been ok if ur attack wasn't in itself kind of sexist. plus i think proportionality is really a given in conflict with anyone.

4:32 PM  
Blogger Basil Fawlty said...

Um, a) welcome back b) everyone is inherently sexist because we have to represent out own gender's point of view and c) what's your point?

11:27 PM  

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