Thursday, January 11, 2007


Over the past 18 months or so, I've noticed a distinct change in my personality ushered along by, among other things, a series of unfortunate events in my life. The theme of this change is a growing mistrust of the people around me, their motives, their intentions and their agenda.

I believe this is referred to as paranoia, which is defined as an irrational fear, suspicion or mistrust of others.

I'll admit that this feeling isn't exactly rational, since a lot of these people haven't betrayed my trust or or done anything untoward. But you know the old adage: just because you're paranoid doesn't mean you're not right.

My feelings have less to do with specific people acting in a specific way and more to do with a generalized disappointment in the way people act and behave, myself included. Extending that thinking, why would people in my life be any different?

The answer is they wouldn't: given the right set of circumstances, anyone is capable of pretty much anything.

I've never really trusted guys but at least that's mutual. Every guy understands, even at a very basic level, that one man's success is another's failure. Which means that the case for friendship is tempered by the knowledge that in a developing situation, one person might find a way to justify mendacity, opportunism, even betrayal. It's happened to me before and the lesson was a bitter pill to swallow. But swallow it, I did. Your intentions could be good but they might change given the right provocation or temptation. Or, if they're consistently good, someone else's won't be.

With women, it's kind of a different situation. With women, there's always the potential for sexual attraction, in fact, you could make the case that a lot of male/ female friendships are fuelled at least partly by that. I've generally been very good about keeping my friendships sex-free (with one notable, and again bitterly educational, exception), not so clever at keeping my sex-ships, free of friendship. Of course, I didn't realize the game being played until much later.

I'm really slow like that.

Men are sexual creatures and sex is a constant lingering presence in any interaction with women they find attractive. Whether they act upon it or not is a product of circumstance, resolve, character, risk-analysis, opportunity and all the usual culprits of social strategy. Men can act like animals, because they're prisoners of their lusty natures. Accept it or not, that's the truth.

Women are creatures of intimacy, an equally single-minded, almost obsessive need that drives them to do what they do. They constantly seek it from almost everyone they meet, they feel backed up when they don't get it and their instinct is to engage in it with multiple partners. Like men with sex, women are prisoners of this impulse. Unlike men, this need for intimacy isn't seen as a negative force, merely a needy one.

This is where the problem arises: women lust for intimacy and men lust for sex. Sometimes, they switch roles but most of the time, they don't. Or if they do, they revert to their natures, double quick.

Women like to pretend that random intimacy isn't a dangerous game to play..but it is, because when it's withdrawn, men become aware of something missing. Even if it never came with the promise of sex (which a lot of men already have a problem with: if we're open and intimate with each other, sex can't be too far behind...otherwise, you're leading me on; I don't, partly because I understand that they're two different things and mostly because I have a very complex sex and intimacy drive...they're both kind of jumbled up together).

My point is, men and women have different agendas. They play a dangerous game with each other and they think the other party isn't to be trusted (women more than men..otherwise, why would the word 'misogyny' only exist for men, not for women?) And really, they can't be trusted because of the differing agendas thing. That's why I don't trust 'em.

That's right. I don't trust women. I said it and it's what I believe.

Men, I trust...that they'll act according to their natures. I don't like the way they behave, but I trust them to behave as advertised. Women, don't do that. They'll twist a knife in you and continue to act entitled. Because, like George Bush, they think they're right.

I guess I have crossed over into the land of misogyny and I'm ok with that. I can't be friends with women. I've known this for a few years now..but I'm only accepting it now. Mainly because I don't enjoy hanging out with women in a 'friend' setting that much anymore. I don't see women as on the same wavelength or motivated by the same things. One can be friends with a woman, I'm not denying that, but at what cost? What does that buy one? It's hard work, not really all that rewarding and I don't really trust it. Best just to come to terms with that.

I'm being honest and not being mean in the slightest, when I say all this. I can still be friends with a woman, but only in a superficial, guy-like friendship sort of way: pool, drinks, talking sports or politics or some light-weight sharing, but nothing substantial. Not friends friends. And I'm certainly not accepting any applications for new female friends. In fact, the pool that I have now, is rapidly dwindling and I wouldn't be surprised if it shrank by the end of 2007.

Not always my fault, you understand. If a female friend meets a guy, I fully expect him to ask her to spend less time with me. Because the guy knows what the score is. And the girl won't argue with him and won't tell me what the deal is. Because she thinks she's entitled to have it both ways.

She's not. Nobody is.

5 Comments:

Blogger Carmen said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:26 PM  
Blogger Basil Epicurus said...

It is what it is.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Carmen said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Basil Epicurus said...

It certainly has.

3:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm looking up at you, eyebrow cocked. the other expressions, be they external or not, you know me well enough to surmise.

9:43 PM  

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