Ralph Fiennes' Mile High Romp, and Me

This is the airline attendant who had unprotected sex with Ralph Fiennes aboard a Qantas flight headed to Singapore, where he was due to talk about...the importance of safe sex.

Seriously, the rules simply do not apply to celebrities: mile high liaisons, unprotected sex with multiple partners, millions of dollars, devastating good looks, adultation by people they've never met...what lottery did these guys win to get all this?

Well, I continue to learn that people are not to be trusted, no matter how nice and well-meaning and principled they might be, simply because we are all selfish. The amount of information we choose to disclose to other people we have a 'relationship' with (not just romantic), is a product of how much we think this information will compromise our perceived relationship with that person. I don't even have any disappointment about it (maybe because I've pushed everyone away to a distance that I can deal with) but I guess the little sting that hits you, everytime you're confronted with it, never really goes away. Oh well.

On a different note, I emailed someone I was involved with a long time ago and asked her if she would sleep with me. I told her I was embarrassed about asking but it had been a while and I missed being with someone. I told her I didn't want to pick up some random chick whom I didn't know and possibly would have to employ a level of mendacity to get her into bed. It sounds gay, but I am sick to my stomach of even the lowest level of lying to anyone about anything and I'd rather just stay at home and be alone with Mimi, than play any more games.

I also said I hope she wasn't offended by me asking and if she was, I would absolutely apologize, put it behind us resume our (somewhat distant) friendship. The email was, if I may say so, a specimen of simplicity and a study in how lame I've become.

She was very nice and said she didn't mind and would come over soon. Then she said something that made me kind of sad. she said she hasn't been feeling very sexual lately but would do it, if I would do something in return, for her: hold her, as she slept.

What a way to ruin the mood!

I'm kidding, of course. She said this and I agreed then proceeded to become severely depressed for the remainder of the day, as I contemplated the overbearing loneliness that seems to be a feature of the world I inhabit. And I felt like a shit for not being able to offer her more than a hug through the night and a painfully awkward sexual rendezvous that's probably going to suck due to this unmitigated dose of reality.

So, here I am. Trading sex for affection and feeling lonelier than ever, because of it. See, once my depression lifts, I'll be able to retrieve my sense of humor and pick up chicks and sleep with them, while maintaining a cheerful disengagement from it all.

Bottom line is I think too much.

And here I am, I should be asleep, but I'm too nervous. I have a big day tomorrow and if it doesn't go well..I don't know what's going to happen. If it goes well, I'll put up a picture of Tweety and if it doesn't, I'll put up a picture of Sylvester.

I recall that joke I heard recently: if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.