Sunday, July 23, 2006

Sorry to my vast audience (all eight of you) for not blogging much, the past few days. The weather, the dearth of inspiration and a sudden attack of the flu have inhibited my natural instinct to blog about the daily goings-on, at the slightest drop of a hat. I'm also patiently waiting for my brand new MacBook, and once that arrives, even my bowel movements will be recorded with meticulous detail.

After that promise, eight becomes one...including the writer of this blog. Good thing blogs don't operate on a ratings system, otherwise I would have been canceled in the first week, due to poor viewership. Or worse, sold to UPN.

So the interesting things that happened this week:

1. It rained like we were in an Amazon jungle, last Friday. This summer has been a tremendous disappointment, weather-wise. I haven't even been to the beach yet.
2. During said rain, I saw a pretty girl running through the rain while using her MacBook Pro to shield her head, because she didn't have an umbrella. I noted how, had that been me, I would have used my head to shield the MacBook Pro. After all, that's easily worth three grand, while my head isn't worth the space it occupies.
3. I got sick last night and spent an horrible night, battling a slight temperature, sore throat, nausea and a hyperactive saliva gland (don't ask). I also hallucinated a bit and had quite an erotic dream involving a former co-worker of mine. I work up and resisted the (quite powerful) urge to call her and ask her if she wanted to get a drink this week.
4. It's been around three months since I last had sex. Being a sexual camel, this isn't a big number and I've certainly gone longer without. It was interesting to note, however, that while the 'force is strong in this one', I don't have any interest in casual sex and my recent fantasies involve watching pornographic material, imagining I'm watching it with a girlfriend and then relieving myself to the fantasy of her. I have porn on and I fantasize about watching it with an imaginary girlfriend. Yeah, that's normal.
5. I got a letter from the USCIS (Immigration) saying that my background check was still pending with the FBI and that if I didn't hear back in six months, I should call them again. Fucking discrimination. I'm going to file a lawsuit at the end of the month (called a 'writ of mandamus') and I'm also going to give this place six months from July 19th. Meaning if, by January 19th 2007, this thing hasn't been resolved, I'm going to pack my bags and head off to the UK. I'm not saying they don't discriminate against middle eastern men over there, just that I'm so thick, it'll take me months to realise it.
6. I spent last Friday having dinner with an old friend/ girl-friend and then we went to another friend's house for a party. Friend-having-party was in a foul mood because her Egyptian boyfriend's parents didn't want her marrying their son (because she's older than he is and because, apparently, she drinks). It made for an interesting evening, to say the least. I wish I cared what Egyptian parents thought of me, maybe I'd have turned out differently. I don't think I'd ever date or marry Egyptian, in any event. They're the most disingenuous race of people I've ever had the displeasure of running across. I'm not surprised the FBI is discriminating against them. I would, too.
7. I'm planning a trip to Disingenuous-Land around the end of the year. It'll have been over two years since my last trip. I don't miss it that much though I do miss the family. I just don't recognize myself over there, though it would be nice to catch up with old friends.
8. Work is still retarded. I get no time to come up with new lines, so I thought I'd try a new tact: I dedicated myself to finishing all my assignments in 48 hours, which I did. The result is, my boss immediately gave me a new assignment with an even shorter timeline. I don't see me being here much longer.
9. Going to the beach next weekend. The only problem is I know the girl inviting me to go to the beach with her, wants to get in my pants, bulging waistline and all. I'm not really into that but at the same time, I'd like to go to the beach. My solution? Three bottles of wine and if I have to screw her to get to the beach, I will. I always wanted to be a porn star and this is good practice.
10. My neighbor, the eternally lava-hot Tanya, is in Europe this weekend. I bumped into her on the train last week and we had a really enjoyable conversation. At least, it was enjoyable from my end. From her end, the least of my achievements was to prove to her that her strange, shady neighbor from downstairs actually had an ounce of charm and wit. Whether that's enough to convince a woman to date you and let you look at her naked is another story. She is top of my list, though: she's smart, she's assertive and she's devastatingly beautiful. Chances of it happening are pretty slim, mainly because I won't outright ask her if she'd date me (if she said no, I'd either have to move or start wearing a disguise) and even if I did, I doubt I'm her type. I doubt I'm anyone's type and this isn't me being diffident or modest. I've become a strange dude. If you don't believe that, you must not have read points 1 through 9.


Anonymous zoss said...

At least one person out of eight think this post was worth the wait.

1:20 AM  
Blogger forsoothsayer said...

yeah, good shit. plus i'm excited about your trip here!

4:46 PM  
Anonymous Xylia said...

I happened upon your site through a series of google searches on various things... anyways love the wit! you may have 9 readers now :p

6:14 PM  

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