Hyperficiality

Over the years, the charge of superficiality has been levelled at me, not by the casual observer, but by people who purport and presume to know the inner me. It's an easy claim to make, in fact any claim is, once you've gained someone's trust and they've told you more about themselves, how they think, how they see the world and so forth. At that point, you turn around and make a statement, not even giving it the dignity of an accusation, rather dropping it in an off-handed, casual manner as if it were a fact you'd do well to accept.

It may very well be true that I'm superficial. I mean, I value beauty and aesthetics, I enjoy porn (not the headiest of endeavours...though that depends on your use of the word 'heady') and I don't form very close relationships with almost anyone I know. It probably stems from a fractitious relationship with my parents growing up, that inhibited my ability to get close to people. It sounds worse than it is and I don't even care about being close to people. This is me and while I can acknowledge flaws in my character, weaknesses in my build-up, I'll be damned if I condemn them and hate myself because of them.

People forget that no quality or vice doesn't have a reverse side. If you're selfish, chances are you're also driven and ambitious. If you're kind, you're probably passive and spineless. If you're beautiful, you probably don't need to be smart. If you're ruthless, your company evaluation may call you a "go-getter". Good comes with bad. That's the way it's always been.

So yes, I can be superficial. And yes, you can level charges at me like I don't care about whether people stay in my life or leave. That I can be morose or, alternatively, incapable of being serious. That I don't have firm beliefs or values and that when it comes down to it, I don't really care what people I'm close to say or think.

But hey, that's just me. I'm too old to change and when I was young, half of me was too busy berating myself about perceived flaws in myself, while the other half was too stupid to change. I is what I is, as Popeye would say (before he died, due to the ongoing ban on Spinach). And my job now, over the next few years is to surround myself with the kind of people who accept that and won't stick a proverbial dagger in me, because I won't conform to their idea of what a friend should be.

That's really what it boils down to. The myth of friendship is that you have to work very hard to maintain it. I totally disagree. If you're working very hard, then you're forcing things and maybe a little self-evaluation is called for. Friendship is understanding, isn't it? And the role of people who want to change you is known as a girlfriend/ wife.

What's so hard to understand about that?