Degrading Women
I remember Forsooth and I had a disagreement about this: I felt it was perfectly appropriate to use degrading language within the confines of a sexual relationship with a woman, as long as both parties felt it enhanced things, while forsooth disagreed. She's of the view that certain lines should never be crossed while I'm an advocate for the 'anything goes between consenting adults' school. We agreed to disagree, but I still maintain it doesn't signify a disrespect to the woman you're with to call her, say, a whore or a slut, in bed. It might not be anyone here's cup of tea (coincidentally, it's not mine as a preference, but I'll potty mouth in the sack with the best of them, if that's what the occasion calls for) but people are strange and complicated creatures and their needs are in keeping with that universal truth. Who is anyone to judge what gets me and mine off?
Anyways, this postcard reminded me of that little spirited debate (I remember I called her views "childish", even though I know she's as whip-smart as they come). Anyone care to weigh in?
posted by Basil Epicurus at 3:39 PM
7 Comments:
er...thank you?
and also...ha! u took it back!
maybe it's ok if specifically requested by the woman....but if guys are saying that sort of thing for THEIR pleasure, even if the women acquiesces, that's a fucked up sexual act from his end. that's some sexual assault.
It's a fine line. Any kind of one-sided sexual act isn't ideal. But idealism aside, it's practical to do some things for your partner so they would take time to do things for you. Case in point: giving a woman oral sex. If a guy doesn't enjoy, don't you agree he should suck it up (so to speak) and do it anyway?
As for calling it 'sexual assault', isn't that slightly hyperbolic and hysterical?
I'm in the "anything goes" camp on this, though I have to admit that when I was younger I would've agreed with Forsooth. People are complicated, sex even more so. My poor, virginal ears were in shock the first time I was "degraded" but I was surprised how unoffended I was. As long as I'm respected outside the bedroom I say that whatever gets us off is alright.
Wait to go, S! The check is in the mail.
like i said...it's all about what he thinks he's doing. if he thinks he's raping you, then holey moley, he is.
Rape fantasies are as legitimate as playing headmaster and the naughty little school girl. If both people get off on it, then you shouldn't hate.
It seems to be a control thing with you, which isn't helping you get past this. But you're entitled to set the parameters in your own private life.
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