A quotological tribute to Alex Ferguson
The only football manager in the whole of Britain who could start a fight in an empty room..
"Clubs come away from Anfield choking on their own vomit and biting their own tongues knowing they have been done by the referee" - revealing his love for Liverpool after the 10-man Rowdies grabbed a 3-3 draw in 1988.
"I should have gone ahead and signed Mick Harford" - explaining why the Rowdies failed to win the league in 1992.
"Big? It isn't big. It's magnificent! I've seen some whoppers in my time, but Dion's is something else" - Ferg's verdict on Dion Dublin's package, according to the then Coventry chairman Bryan Richardson, in 1994.
"I f*****g told youse not to ask that John. You know the rules here" - introducing John Motson to the hairdryer after Motty asked why Roy Keane had slugged Jan Fjortoft in 1995.
"If he was an inch taller he'd be the best centre-half in Britain. His father is 6ft 2in - I'd check the milkman" - appraising Gary Neville's parentage in 1996.
"He probably started crying" - explaining why Jack Walker wouldn't let Alan Shearer go to the DevilBowl in 1996.
"Some sinister magic appeared to be at work" - after defeat to Borussia Dortmund in the 1997 Big Cup semi-final.
"He's a bully, a f*****g big-time Charlie" - an impromptu paean to his former midfield stalwart Paul Ince in 1998.
"When an Italian says it's pasta I check under the sauce to make sure" - the old charmer limbers up for a visit to Milan in 1999.
"Football. Bloody hell" - lost for words after the Treble victory in 1999.
"We were very unlucky to lose the toss twice and play into the sun" - putting a novel spin on embarrassing failure at the World Club Championship in 2000.
"I'm no' f*****g talking to you. Veron's a great f***ing player. Youse are all f***ing idiots" - building bridges with the press after criticism of Juan Veron in 2002.
"My greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool right off their f****n' perch, and you can print that" - responding to Alan Hansen's suggestion that regaining the title in 2002-03 would be his greatest challenge.
"Just f*****g patch him up" - Fergie's reputed instruction to the United physio after lamping a stray boot into David Beckham's face in 2003.
"It's getting tickly now. Squeaky-bum time, I call it" - tickling Arsenal's undercarriage in 2003.
"Real Madrid - they have a nice draw, they must have picked it themselves. The Spanish or Italian teams don't play each other, how do you think they work that out? They don't want us in the final, that's for sure, but I'm not listening" - after the Rowdies drew Real in Big Cup quarter-final in 2003. They lost.
"Arsenal played too many draws. The best team in England? That's always debatable" - evaluating Arsenal's 2003-04 Invincibles.
"Could I have two bullets?" - when asked 'If you had one bullet and Victoria Beckham and Arsene Wenger were in the room, what would you do?' in 2004.
"We're as good as Chelsea, no question" - after finishing eight points off the pace last season.
"It's scandalous that some people think I should retire. I have every right to work hard. I am going to continue working" - warming up for a few more years on the eve of his 20th anniversary.
"Clubs come away from Anfield choking on their own vomit and biting their own tongues knowing they have been done by the referee" - revealing his love for Liverpool after the 10-man Rowdies grabbed a 3-3 draw in 1988.
"I should have gone ahead and signed Mick Harford" - explaining why the Rowdies failed to win the league in 1992.
"Big? It isn't big. It's magnificent! I've seen some whoppers in my time, but Dion's is something else" - Ferg's verdict on Dion Dublin's package, according to the then Coventry chairman Bryan Richardson, in 1994.
"I f*****g told youse not to ask that John. You know the rules here" - introducing John Motson to the hairdryer after Motty asked why Roy Keane had slugged Jan Fjortoft in 1995.
"If he was an inch taller he'd be the best centre-half in Britain. His father is 6ft 2in - I'd check the milkman" - appraising Gary Neville's parentage in 1996.
"He probably started crying" - explaining why Jack Walker wouldn't let Alan Shearer go to the DevilBowl in 1996.
"Some sinister magic appeared to be at work" - after defeat to Borussia Dortmund in the 1997 Big Cup semi-final.
"He's a bully, a f*****g big-time Charlie" - an impromptu paean to his former midfield stalwart Paul Ince in 1998.
"When an Italian says it's pasta I check under the sauce to make sure" - the old charmer limbers up for a visit to Milan in 1999.
"Football. Bloody hell" - lost for words after the Treble victory in 1999.
"We were very unlucky to lose the toss twice and play into the sun" - putting a novel spin on embarrassing failure at the World Club Championship in 2000.
"I'm no' f*****g talking to you. Veron's a great f***ing player. Youse are all f***ing idiots" - building bridges with the press after criticism of Juan Veron in 2002.
"My greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool right off their f****n' perch, and you can print that" - responding to Alan Hansen's suggestion that regaining the title in 2002-03 would be his greatest challenge.
"Just f*****g patch him up" - Fergie's reputed instruction to the United physio after lamping a stray boot into David Beckham's face in 2003.
"It's getting tickly now. Squeaky-bum time, I call it" - tickling Arsenal's undercarriage in 2003.
"Real Madrid - they have a nice draw, they must have picked it themselves. The Spanish or Italian teams don't play each other, how do you think they work that out? They don't want us in the final, that's for sure, but I'm not listening" - after the Rowdies drew Real in Big Cup quarter-final in 2003. They lost.
"Arsenal played too many draws. The best team in England? That's always debatable" - evaluating Arsenal's 2003-04 Invincibles.
"Could I have two bullets?" - when asked 'If you had one bullet and Victoria Beckham and Arsene Wenger were in the room, what would you do?' in 2004.
"We're as good as Chelsea, no question" - after finishing eight points off the pace last season.
"It's scandalous that some people think I should retire. I have every right to work hard. I am going to continue working" - warming up for a few more years on the eve of his 20th anniversary.
posted by Basil Epicurus at 12:00 PM
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